don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
