going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
