he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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