I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize