I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
