They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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