my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
