I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
