I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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