ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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