im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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