i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
