Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
