I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
