I am in a vortex of obligation.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
bring money and cleavage
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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