I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize