If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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