I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
