Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
