oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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