Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
