tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Enjoy the penises
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
