my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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