i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I will be naked everywhere
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
