they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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