hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm passing your future prison.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
