you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
