Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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