I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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