we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
