i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
