You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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