fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
