I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize