Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
