tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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