i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
