If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
