What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
