Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
