No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
