What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize