I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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