EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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