They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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