The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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