Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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