Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she smelled like a LAN party
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize