We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
