Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize