he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
