i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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