Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
