break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Randomize
