I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
