you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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