things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
