I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
